"Let the bones you have crushed rejoice..."

Long time coming

2011-12-09T04:35:00.008+08:00

It's been a long time coming, did you see it? I knocked you down from the blind side, a sucker-punch under your chin while you are not looking. When you least expected it; when you let down your guard; when you took a breather. Why did you even bother? It's a battle that you can never win even if you knock me ten times over, because you can never keep me down. So when you least expected it; when you led down your guard; when you took a breather, I knocked you down from the blind side, a sucker-punch under your chin while you are not looking. It's been a long time coming, did you see it?

Woah! It's been a long time since I have written anything creative. The pen and paper are gone. The old iPad is gone. I am still using the old Samsung mobile phone, but I am totally uninspired. The mind wants to write, but I am too lazy. Ah... laziness, I guess this sums up my physical self. Out of shape, out of tangent with the life I am suppose to live. I think I am going out of my mind with my lack of sleep; lack of a much needed rest that I do not think I can afford at the moment. How stupid, I think to myself, I am not to trust the Lord more now. I used to turn to God in the past easily, now I am simply lazy. The praises are hard to come by and the prayers are token ones. The eyes are dry and the spirit is weak. What must be done to me to wake me from my waking-slumber? I think this entry will remind me of that. It's time to wake up and shake my world by first shaking myself out of this deep-sleep. It's time to rise and awake to a new dawn. Uncle-hood is beckoning (40s). Either I keep fit to keep up with God's agenda for my life or I remain sloppy and waste my life away.

Jenn, Don't Waste Your Life!

More power to ya

2011-07-25T16:13:00.001+08:00

You said you've been feeling weaker
Weaker by the day
You said you can't make the joy of your salvation stay
But good things come to them that wait
Not to those who hesitate
So hurry up and wait upon the Lord

-"More Power to Ya" by Petra

What is good?

2011-07-20T16:27:00.001+08:00

I dun think I clearly describe why God's passion for His glory and our joy are one. Think of one of your most lustful pleasure; one that brings you the most joy whether legit or not. When the call comes to experience some new joy and delight that one hasn't felt before, if indeed one take up the offer, will have to give up the previous joy, it is most likely that the surrender is one of reluctance. God is then perceived as a killer of joy and Christian happiness is only attainable to the clergy or those who works in any Christian institutions. As C.S. Lewis described that such narrow-mindedness is like a boy playing with mud because he couldn't understand what a holiday in the beach is like. Now, say that God made all things good for His glory, thus all things are to be enjoyed. Even though there are corruption of the good things that God had created, such as sex, music, food, education, friends, etc, God always intended for all things to be enjoyed. When we enjoy them the way they were meant to be while acknowledging Him as the creator and giver of all things good, God is most glorified because we are greatly satisfied in the things he has given us. I dare say that even things that started with wrong intentions such selfishness, pride, greed or jealousy, etc, God turns all those bad circumstances into opportunities to show His goodness to us.

Since all things are created by Him and for Him; therefore we are for Him and He must be our higher joy and delight. Then as His sons and daughters, he gives all all things to enjoy, turning what the world has corrupted into incorruptible pleasure for us to enjoy.

Desiring God

2011-07-18T04:07:00.002+08:00

I wrote this on Caleb's wall after he shared about having a "hunger" and "holy dissatisfaction" for things of God. I was at the GII youth service on Saturday because the Prebyterian churches have a joint celebration this weekend. Melody Fam preached at the first week of 40DOC. I told Boss (Ronald) that I missed it, but I know I have to move on and be a partner in prayer. I love the discontent that I read in Caleb's blog. With the right spirit, it's only a matter of time before he explode and infect others with his passion for God's glory.

Bro, u know what your "hunger" and "holy dissatisfaction" leads to? A dissatisfaction for where you are now. Instead of trickles, u want (as Kurk rightly put it) Niagara Falls and more. Where does our hunger leads to? A return to God and se...eing who He really is - GOD. It doesn't end by merely acknowledging his deity. In fact the acknowledgement of God leads to a desiring for God as the only soul-satisfying, soul-saturating reality.

If u have time, go check out the book "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. He helped me (and in turn help others) realize that God is most GLORIFIED when we are most SATISFIED in Him. In a nutshell, Piper reminded us that we were not crea...ted to desire "stuff" and other "things", but were created to glorify God. Most people think that glorifying God means giving up a lot of things, but what if the very thing that makes them happy is God? Therefore, God's passion for His glory and our joy are one thing. The chief end of man, therefore, is to GLORIFY God and to ENJOY Him forever. Hunger and Holy Dissatisfaction glows dimmer and disappears in the light of His glory, bro. I hope you get your breakthrough. These "glory" and "joy" thing has been the core and the strength from which I operate whether in ministry or at work.

OH MAN!! It's so liberating sharing this with u!!! I AM EXCITED TO KNOW R-AGE HAVE A PERSON WITH UR KIND OF HEART FOR GOD!!! GO FOR IT BRO!

Praise with thanksgiving

2011-07-11T10:11:00.001+08:00

Last week was just pure agony and constant pleading for God to lead the way. Today I am just filled with praise. I do not what to listen to songs or read about repentance or listen to songs about brokenness, but songs of praise, worship and adoration to God for all things and for every circumstances. Like the changing of seasons, it feels that my life is like that, except that the seasons in my life is not regulated by the orbit around the sun, but by my life's orbit around my faith. The further I am away, the colder I feel and the spirit of God compels me to get back in to orbit so that I feel the sunshine of His grace. I want to stay in the sunshine forever, neither too hot nor too cold.

I am reading Bro Patrick Liew's daily inspirational sharing and I am reminded what I want to do with my life: to inspire others to greatness. Just a few weeks ago, I was filled with so much bitterness and jealousy wondering why I am wasn't working on a bigger production with better pay and higher profile. Those negativity was eating me up inside like in Aliens. I was so nauseated by my own shortcoming and dissatisfaction! I am reminded by what the Lord had done in my life and how I have come to where I am today and I have the nerve to challenge God, "why not more?" Greed and the love for money really take the joy out of everything we do. When I have an eternal perspective and set my gaze towards what is eternal and what is infinitely more precious, money and fame do not come even close! Now with all the opportunity I am given, I will make much of it to glorify God and make Him known through my thought, word and action. The Lord have taken care of everything and there is nothing to be worried about. All we need to do is to do our duty as disciples of Jesus.

Before I go off to another glorious day of The Pupil 2, a verse springs to my mind and that is my prayer this morning: Dear God, make SW and I be gentle as dove and be shrewd as serpents. Thriving on the meat of Your word and not be content with mediocrity. Help us and give us wisdom and patience to teach our little boys to be God glorifying tiny mutant Christian warriors! ;)X Amen!

July 4th

2011-07-06T15:40:00.002+08:00

Josh celebrated his 5th birthday with no fanfare but in pain and suffering. he got infected with FHM disease (Foot, Hand and Mouth and yes, easier to remember than HFM). I wanted to find a replacement for that day, but everyone is busy, so I had to work through that day which was a 15hr day. I reached home a round 10pm to wails of agony as the pain from ulcer on the tip for his tongue while he slept. I didn't see him the whole of yesterday as I had another 15hr day. Today was more bearable because the call time is 9am and I had a short but sweet moment with my little boy.

I am gaining strength from the material I am reading and the sermons that I re-visited. Another source of encouragement was Steven Curtis Chapman's album "Beauty Will Rise". As he share about his experience in his family's tragedy, I find similarity in my own, albeit I didn't experience the death of someone. The common theme that edified me most is knowing that I Heaven, every imperfection will be made perfect.

I really want to have a chat with Chia Ee and if possible before we meet I Heaven. As I read and hear about Children "snapping" out of it or "improved over time", I do pray for that. I wish to see with my mortal eyes the joy that his Momma long to experience; I want to hear with my mortal ears his sweet voice. These I pray and so much more, but what matters most for now is
this - not our will, but thine be done.

The lessons that I am learning from this ordeal has totally transformed our lives. I wondered if we would have sought the Lord like Hannah did if we were blessed like most of our friends? This is a faithful saying, "I hate the agony that we must go through, but what a blessing!". What I am going through is just the surface of what Job went through, yet my soul constantly cries out, "Lord, Blessed be Your Name" in the midst of the tiredness and uncertainty (unsure yet sure: Unsure what the future on earth holds for everyone, but sure that God is in control). Somehow I am transported to the time when my joy and delight in Christ were at it's highest in my youth. Back then there were no worries like we have today, but today I am experiencing that joy and delight in the midst of agony which makes is really special.

Sweeter than honey made by the bees
God's love dispels the bitterness bottled in me
I have asked for a perfect life but all I've got wasnot what I asked
But it's all good

At the moment when tragedy struck
It's easy to point the finger or pass the buck
I didn't buckle under the pressure
But I did ask, "God was it You?"

When times are good, it is easy to trust and do all that I learned in Sunday School
But I prayed, "Oh God, it's time like this that I must learn all the more to trust You"

"I will
Even though I don't understand
My God, I will trust You" (wrote this paragraph while "I will trust You" was playing on my iPad. The lyrics to the chorus of the song. So timely!)

Selah

Rejoice

2011-06-29T00:28:00.001+08:00

I am learning to rejoice in all circumstances. Those laughters and cheers are so bitter-sweet. I shouldn't be happy, but yet I am. I shouldn't be sad, but yet I also am. How ironic that living a Christian life is full of paradox: to live is for Christ, to die is gain; in order to gain my life I must lose it; in order to gain peace, I must be tormented.

Lord, help me increase in joy and peace despite all this crap. Remind me always that everything will be alright when I trust in You.

ARPC Camp

2011-06-19T21:53:00.002+08:00

It was a really good retreat. There were many take-aways in this one. I am so tired now, I will share another day. For now, my heart is just full of praise. Third Day is playing in my head. Uploading their "Conspiracy No.5" to my iTunes right now. But the Third Day song that is in my head and heart now is:

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
To give away to you, Jesus

from C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity"

2011-06-11T09:24:00.001+08:00

"We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had no time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance in regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see then if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them fro hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light"

"Salvation is Here" playing in my head

2011-06-04T09:48:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite Hillsong United song of all time. Can't get it off my head at the moment. Luv it!

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
I don't care what the world throws at me now
It's gonna be alright

Hear the sound of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world would know Your name
It's gonna be alright

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
I don't care what the world throws at me now
It's gonna be alright

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here

Cause You are alive and You live in me
Salvation is here
salvation is here and it lives in me
Salvation is here
Savation is here that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and it lives in me

Cause You are alive and You live in me
Salvation is here
salvation is here and it lives in me
Salvation is here
Savation is here that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and it lives in me

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here
© 2005 Cbs/Epic/Wtg Records

Bearer of His Name

2011-06-04T09:42:00.003+08:00

I read this from a "Desiring God" blog post.

It seems like a direct rely from God to my prayer in my previous post. All I could do is to respond in praise and in awe of God whom I trust to take care of my family's every need. Like the song from Hillsong goes "We look to Yaweh! Our hope is Yaweh! And He shall reign forever". Forever - long after we are gone, in the lives of Josh and Jo-en.

What about now? Am I a obedient bearer of His name? Frankly speaking, I am ashamed of myself if you peel my brain to see what I am thinking about every waking day. How much of the world is in me reflects my priorities. I admit that only in the past few days that I decided to make much of my life once again to make much of Christ in my life. My passion for the glory of God for the joy of all people in Christ Jesus should not be limited only when I am in the company of believers. As I work "in the world", all the more I should translate that passion into action and words. How did this re-awakening start? Believe it or not, it's during this current production of the second season of "The Pupil" and two interns.

Through my chat with them, I am glad learn that they are from the Department of FIlm Sound and Video, Ngee Ann Poly. Through the music that I blast on from my iPad, I found out that they are Christians too. After hearing about how the interns from my previous production in April were demoralized by discouraging attitudes and words by the production house's boss (which doused their fire to pursue a career in Tv and Film), I am learning to appreciate our interns; to speak about the harsh realities of e industry, but also to offer hope and dispense joy through our work. Yes! Dispensing joy even in the midst of placing a lav mic on person or while booming and mixing. Even in the tired late nights when we go over-time. Light of reality can sometimes be so dim, so why not add some light to lighten the moment. That is what Christ does through us. He gives us a purpose to carry on; a kind of second wind. And this I want to share to these interns and anyone I meet. These interns are young, about 19-20 yrs old. They remind me of my 9 years of ministry in the R-age (youth ministry in Grace Assembly of God). There are still people to impart knowledge to, to dispense joy to, to worship with, to affirm, to encourage! There are also the non-Christians whom I work with, for whom our lives might be the only testimony for Christ they may ever encounter due to the so-called "progressive" thinking of our day. This industry has become my ministry ground. Therefore I am watching my words and actions. In the midst of my personal struggles, there is still a world who needs to know Jesus. I may be carrying a burden, but it is light because Jesus carried the worse lot and I am carry the best lot.

I may not see a physical street of gold in this present world, nor will I experience a time when Josh and I will have a decent conversation, but I look forward to the life outside this time and space; when I enter eternity and walk upon those streets of gold and have a glorious chat with my little boy. That hope is what I yearn for and with this hope in me, I want to a bearer of His name despite being me.

SHINE!

Think I might behave today

2011-05-31T21:38:00.002+08:00

I was reading a quote from C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity while reading Psalm 139. He was talking about human behavior. I will try to rephrase what I read, but will share his exact words when I get hands on the book again tonight. How we react to provocation whether intentional or not reflects who we really are. If I snap and abuse the deliberate or accidental perpetrator in a snap of our fingers, that is what I am, a very angry person. If I react in patience and not the least provoked, that's what I am.

So the question for me today is, what sort of a person am I? I often joked when there is a realization by somebody that I am Christian and I would always say, "Yes, I am a Christian. Do I look like one?" I may not be a worthy bearer of God's glory, for it's heavy, but thank God that His grace is sufficient for me, to empower me take up the cross. Have I lifted it high with a face of humility or indignation? Have the light shined on the other side of glory? What others see in me will not be far from the truth because that is what they see. Do I like what they see?

Monday Meditations

2011-05-30T11:10:00.001+08:00

"God gives, God takes. God's name be ever blessed" (Job 1:21)

I am reading Christian George's amazing Christ-honoring book "Sex, Sushi and Salvation" again. He commented that the theme of the book of Job is to help us in "developing a view of God as the Creator who sovereignly works His will even through pain and suffering.

I have always pride myself in being the CCC (Cool, calm and collected) of our marriage, but those who knows be best seems to think it's more CFC (Contemptuous, Forgetful and Complacent) than CCC. I think that other people's assessment of me is accurate because they see my actions and words, they are louder than my convictions. Here within me lies the problem which I have hinted or outrightly stated in this old blog time and again over the past 4 years. While the Word of God was written in my heart, the heart have hardened to stone. I "see" the conviction in this stone, but it's cold; I do not feel it; it is dead.

Yesterday I went to G2 for the morning service. Thank God for SW for allowing me to have some "God-time" on my own. As the worship session progressed, I felt the Holy Spirit slowly melting my heart and made the Words in my heart alive again. This morning I decided to bring the "Sex book" (that's what I call it) and let wherever the last bookmarked pages speak to me and it was the chapter describing what Job went through.

The application of the verse and the commentary by Christian George is this, in my struggle to grasp the uncertainty of Chia Ee's future, there must be total trust in God who will sovereignly take care of him when we are gone. Right now it is our duty to bring him up, to teach him, play with him, provide for him the best that we possibly can. That we through our struggle with that uncertainty will lean on the everlasting arm of God; totally surrendering and totally trusting Him to guide us and to succeed for the boy when we are gone. There is a bitter-sweet comfort in the discomfort of all these struggles that only a heart of flesh- a heart that is alive- finds in Christ. So mysterious, yet so revealing to our hearts of faith. There is peace in the midst of the tears; there is power in the midst of our weakness.

I am so weak, dear God, yet I will trust in You. Thank You for your assurance. amen

Climbing mountains

2011-05-25T22:40:00.002+08:00

I feel like I am climbing a mountain with a gentle slop. I keep climbing but do not know when to stop to take a rest or a piss. This makes me edgy at certain times and I feel that I am losing myself to the cycle that I have brought upon myself. Now that the production of the new season of "The Pupil" is underway, I am finding lots of time, ironically, to think about my life once again. Yes, I may be busy, but this time round, I have an intern of is also my boom operator. The time spent out of the main set and away from the cramp office space (where the most funny moments happens incidentally), gives me space to think as I wait for the next scene or shot. We are already in our sixth day of production and I am trying to make much of the time I have to rethink; re-evaluate and to revive my soul to be alive again before we move out of the office set and begin the tiring and treacherous reality of filming in non-controlled environments; before the heat and the fatigue gets to me and render me useless, ordinary or just going through the motions. I don't want to live that way. I don't want to live that way...

Let's see what shall become of me in the days to come...

a Tribute to Millennia Institude Anglung/ Kulintang Ensemble (MIAKE)

2011-04-20T22:24:00.001+08:00

Most of you know I love all sort of music which ranges from Cool Jazz to Thrash Metal. This month I have the most delightful of shoot involving the Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) and four of the seven episodes involves music: Concert Band, Anglung/ Kulintang Ensemble, Chorale and String Ensemble. I was involved in all except the last one. In this entry, I would like to pay tribute to MIAKE for making my first experience listening to a live AKE a truly wonderful and memorable experience.

MIAKE got silver despite a spirited performance, which I strongly feel they do not deserve. It was more than a "Gold with honors" performance, it was a life changing performance to me and a whole lot of young people in the hall. I believe that those (for me at least) who heard the Ensemble today realized that AKE doesn't need to be boring by staying in the traditional style (which must be a mainstay to keep the art alive). I must admit that I thought it was going to be some boring "Chan Mali Chan" or "Singapura, Oh Sigapura" kind of music. The first piece was a surprisingly delightful tango, but the piece that slays was the second piece. Kudos to the Conductor's for a passionate display and motivation to her orchestra and that second piece was so intense, emotional and captivating. I was sitting at the edge of my sit during that piece. It took me on a roller coster ride like a Neal Morse or Dream Theatre song. I call it "Progressive AKE"!

During the judges' / expert giving their views about the day's performance and about the standard of AKE in the school scene, the more conservative judges were in favour of at least a traditional piece followed by a contemporary one. I love the American judge's assessment of the situation best when he said that a lot more exploration can be done to advance the art of AKE. I guess MIAKE were pushing the boundaries too much for some of the judge's liking. In every style of music, the advan garde or the visionary or the rebel who thinks out of the box that get kicked "out of the box", but only time will tell what great legacy these mavericks left behind to future torch-bearers. But for now, THANK YOU! As a homie in the Bt Batok area, I'll be supporting and looking out for ya!

New Church, New Beginnings

2011-04-05T01:13:00.001+08:00

It has been one year since I decided to make ARPC our home church. I miss my friends, but I so love the new experience in a new environment. The fellowship with my new found team mates in the worship team was great. I was totally fooled into thinking that they only had great piano, but when I sat with the band, I was totally shocked by the standards of all the players! Now I have new favourite songwriters: Keith & Kristyn Getty and Stuart Townend.

I was so hyped up about playing last weekend because Jessy chose "Mighty to save". A Hillsong song!! It is the second time I heard one in ARPC. The first time was actually almost 4 years ago during PS' baptism. The song that day was Geoff Bullock's "This Kingdom". Back to the point now. So I felt hyped up with the new drum shield and all, I still need to control my dynamics. It's really hard to control in such a small hall, but I played my best. Urgh, but my tempo was horrendous! Ah, but that is nothing new, but the long time way from the drums caused me to adopt a very bad posture on the drums. The upper back pain that started when I was in Beijing two weeks ago just made it hard to sit up straight. Here are a few things I think I need to do for some immediate remedies about my posture: 1) Sit about an inch or two higher 2) Raise the while kit higher so that I do not need to bend over to hit any thing. 3) Stop using Steve Gadd's reason for moving the way he does to justify my bad posture 4) See a chiropractor.

Now, the sucky thing is I would be busy on shoot from April u til mid July the latest. The only thing I can do is to hit the drum pad again. And because of my schedule my band's recording have to be put on hold as well.

Tough playing in new church

2011-03-05T23:44:00.002+08:00

It was tought because I am so out of touch with the kind of music and also the lack of practice. But what a challenge it was. There are two more services to play for tomorrow and will be meeting Serene between service. Always good to see old Grace people in ARPC.

My new band, Liora, is active now. Glenn has been tremendously inspired eversince he bought the Zoom R24. Now I just hope that I have the time to jam with the band. As I predicted when we started this project that things might get a bit tough when the work starts piling in. Moreover I am feeling the aging process. I can't hang out longer than I used to anymore. I'll be exhausted if I have to go jamming after work as it was proven in our last few jam sessions. I didn't work on those days, but I was babysitting. And that was enough to make me feel tired in the evening. I hope that such things can be corrected with good diet, rest and exercise habits. I am now in a terrible shape physically since the end of Homecoming. Hahahhaa... life is good, but health cannot suffer!! hahaha...

Finally serving in ARPC

2011-01-10T01:15:00.001+08:00

I was invited for an "audition" on Saturday only to find out that they wanted me to play in the service later that evening. Just like in Grace 1, ARPC's music team needs to play on Saturday and Sunday. They were gracious (actually desperate as their drummer was out of town) to let me play that evening, but not the next morning due to work.

Oh man, it may not be like the usual charismatic kind of worship which I was so accustomed to with set musical arrangements and the worship leader literally dictating how we should play. Many times I took chances in building a groove that might force a return to the chorus, etc. This time however was nonetheless challenging to play without a drum shield, which required me to control my volume; playing the song only once or twice as rehearsed with little time for improvisation; thus there were no hand signals to give instructions. Please don't even think I was playing with lesser skilled musicians. The team may not be locking and grooving together that well, but every individual players were excellent! There were times when you could hear everything joining up nicely. It simply shows the great potential they have to really lock in to the music. One thing I must mention is that. I have never played so much swing in my life! Yes, in that few hours, Jassy went into some swinging tune and I just try my best to swing along. Oh, I luv it!

The main problem with playing in ARPC was a technical one which was the volume of the snare drum. Just before the service started, I had an idea to place my hoodie over the snare drum to play. The result was a muffled, 70s sounding snare with a more manageable volume control. Even at a controlled level, I couldn't do without ear protection. I thank God I am used to it even when playing softer than usual volume.

I really can't wait to play next month if my schedule allows. I just have to wait and see. Oh how I miss playing the drums to God in church. Thank God for that opportunity last weekend!

Pentecostalism to Presbytarianism

2011-01-07T09:07:00.001+08:00

A lot people have commented that it's a big change to conform a Pentacostal church to a Presbytarian one. Wikipedia have a good definition for what Presbytarianism is about:

"Presbyterian theology typically emphasizes the sovereignty of God, the authority of the Scriptures, and the necessity of grace through faith in Christ."

That is a very simple definition bout it speaks volumes about my theological stand in my life now. However I still miss the charismatic stylenof worship that I have been so used to for 27 years. These days I joked that my only charismatic experience is when I am listening to my iPod, but that is no joking matter. Linage did introduce me to Sovereign Grace Music, which is good, but they are no Hillsong United which is my primary inspiration in worship music (I wonder how they are going to top the song "Tear Down The Walls", but they always do with each new album!).

This Saturday I will be meeting the worship team in ARPC for some sort of audition. The worship music is not as structured as what I have been used to with some serious arrangements and the occasional dreaded, but much needed, rhythm charts. In ARPC, the music is simpler. The dominant instrument is the piano (and they have great players!). The drummers... Hmmm... They certainly need help. I am not a drum guru, but I really think the drums have to do justice to the music we play in church because since we offer our best services to God, I believe we should attempt to offer our best music to God as well.

Ok, I am rambling about music now. Yes, I miss playing drums to God. It is something that playing in Figtree or Gloria could never replace. When I do not play "to God" then I am playing "for the glory of God". I know playing in ARPC will not be the same as playing in Grace, but nonetheless it is still playing to God where the words of the song is "interpreted" in rhythms.

Just look up

2010-12-13T05:57:00.007+08:00

Don't suffer in silence
Don't give up on yourself
Don't quit while you're still breathing
Don't look down on yourself

Give me a chance to talk to you
I just want to be your friend

What if all this is over
If you give up your life?
Before you jump think it over
Don't bring your life to the end

Give me a chance to talk to you
I just want to be your friend

Just look up
Tell me what do you see?
Is there an open sky for you and me?
Hiding behind the rain tree
Covering you like a sunscreen
He looked down and He knows who are His
You got to get your eyes all fixed on Him
Hanging from a tree
Just look up
At the foot of the cross

G2

2010-12-06T03:53:00.002+08:00

I went for the 2nd service today because I had to work yesterday, so didn't follow the family to ARPC. The first person I wanted to hug at the door was Ps Calvin and Sis Charis. It was the first time I met them since they returned from Hong Kong. I sat alone during worship. Many more familiar faces were probably resting their wobbly legs after the morning Stand Chart run (but James still managed to come back for the service!). Ps Calvin preached about Fasting. It was good, I was nourished, blessed and reminded what fasting is about. It reminded me to go beyond worshipping thru music or reading, but to have an intimate time with God through prayer and fasting. Reminds me of Chrisitan George's definition on fasting,"returning to God the worship we give to food". After the sermon, Ps Calvin gave probably the most heartfelt closing prayer I heard in Grace. It was a prayer of revival through intimacy with Christ through prayer and fasting. Something he preached about "going back to basics".

"Oh comforter and friend
how I need your touch again"

Old Reminder

2010-12-05T01:19:00.003+08:00

This was written in April 2006 in my TOSOG blog. What a timely reminder about the passion I used to have for R-age. I think that flame is still burning, though it's only flickering. :)X

I will persevere no matter what. I do not want others to see that I am compromising when I confessed about my spiritual condition. There is no compromising when it comes to the Word of God. The objective of my confession is to remember those I have been given charge of. Their growth in Christ must be my goal. To see Christ exemplified in their lives, I have to be an example myself. The Word revealed Jesus' compassion to the lost and he opposed the Pharisees and other religious hypocrites. I read that and saw myself as one of those people that Jesus opposed. I don't want to be in their shoes. I want to be a Peter, a John or a Paul.

Christ is the source of our strength. I don't worship a God that I made up in my head. However every basis of my living is from the Written Word. All I need to know about who I worship stems from the root of the Word. The Word filled me with knowledge of who I worship and the fullness of His character is shown only thru the Word by the enlightening of the Holy Spirit. Those who have the Word are without excuse for not knowing the Word. Those who doesn't have the Word have the Holy Spirit to guide them. But we're so blessed to have the greatest resource book in the world! If we love God, we will thirst and hunger for more of God because He means everything to our system. Loving God means loving the Word, but loving the Word doesn't mean we love God, unless Christ is the object of our passion and delight when Christ in highlighted in our reading, meditating and living.

There is a desire to do things right. Not men's way, but God's way. As a RL under the cover of my pastors, I shall respect that covering. I shall make every effort to build up the CMs under my care and for their spirtual growth I want to cultivate. I will practice self-control and continually renew my mind and be filled with the Holy Spirit so that everyday will be day where my life brings Glory to His name.

Oh God, I just want to be like You
I only really want to do the things You want me to
On this hill of the truth I gladly stand on
So I stood on this hill I chose to die on

I see You in tear and in tempest

I hear You in laughter and mirth

Your presence now surrounds me

In the mystery of death and birth

I bow before your majesty

Worship before Your throne

You speak in language eternal

There Your glory is shown

I feel You in field and woodland

Touch You in rain and in wind

I know You in morning and evening

Where the dawn and dusk begin

I bow before your majesty
Worship before Your throne
You speak in language eternal
There Your glory is shown

Oh Thou entroned in They splendor

Maker of all we survey

To Thee I pledge my truest love

For Thy appearing I wait

I bow before your majesty
Worship before Your throne
You speak in language eternal
There Your glory is shown

(Sam, this is for You, stay strong in the Lord)

Rebirth of an old band

2010-11-30T22:40:00.002+08:00

I had an unbelievable experience jamming with Ben and Glenn last Friday. This We'll be jamming as a full and with Cindy joining us. Officially it's only the 3rd time we're getting together, but the first time as a quartet. However I still find the line-up incomplete unless we either add a keyboardist or anothe guitarist. Nonetheless, we're not complaining but making much of a trio with a singer. I think I better not have too much expectations lest everything fall on me like a brick wall. Every good gift is from above and whether we make it or not will be for the glory of God.

Excited for nothing?

2010-11-26T19:09:00.001+08:00

If I set my heart out to accomplish something, I put in 110% into it despite the father-time I need to do to the two Chipmunks. So far the band only had one jam session at the house and all we had been doing is sharing demos and talking about what we want to do as a band in the coming days. Yes, day. Everyone is busy and it's hard to get everyone to set aside a day in the week to practice I dun even want to ask everyone to do that. But I have aspirations for the band. I told Cindy that I want to practice and write music, then record them for posterity.

I intend to ask James for use of his DTX-term to track the drums with the AW2400 as he main recorder. I think it's a great idea! This really got me excited. That's why I am looking forward to the first full band onslaught later at Jurong East without Cindy. Benjamin will be joining us on bass. I will not be critical of him for now because I am also nowhere near ready on the drums.

Ok, I better not expect too much from the others. I just hope that I could convince them to at least stay long enough until we could at least record 5 songs. I am not expecting ourselves to gig. I am over that phrase. If we get one, good. If not, I will not regret that.

As for now, I just want to enjoy the moment and enjoy the process of doing the band thing again.

A grief for unbelief

2010-11-25T22:15:00.002+08:00

I was having a conversation about spirituality with some guy during a break from my production when one of the girls in the production team shared a familiar story (a story familiar and sad to Christians I mean) with us. He was saying how he believes every religion is good and are the same. At that point the girl shared her story. Let me share what I remembered from her experience:

I once met this evangelist and I asked him if I do am a good person who doesn't kill, doesn't do a single bad thing though I am not a Christian, will I go to hell when I die? He said "yes" and I told him, "Fuck you! I am not going to listen to you anymore!" and I walked away.

After a while she left to do some other stuff elsewhere and I knew I had to say something in relation to his statement about universalism and the girl's story. I told him, "Yes, all religions are good, but Christianity is different because Jesus said that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. That doesn't make Christianity a good religion."

About the girl who shared her experience, she is a real sister; someone I got to know well in the course of work. Alarm bells were ringing when she recalled that story - a desire to share Christ with her burned brighter at that moment. I am praying that she will know God in Christ Jesus some day and bask in the glory of the God she once indirectly said "Fuck You" to.

Thinking about Lydia

2010-11-19T10:52:00.003+08:00

I was randomly looking at the friends list in my FB account and I thought about Lydia Wong. She hasn't updated her FB page since January this year. I wonder how she has been. That girl!

God's goodness in our worst of times

2010-11-19T10:35:00.001+08:00

‎"God's people have always in their worst condition found out the best of their God. He is good at all times; but He seems to be at His best when they are at their worst."

-C. H. Spurgeon

How He Loves

2010-11-14T22:49:00.003+08:00

Check out this song!!
Janice let me hear David Crowder's version this song when we were travelling up to KL for the Malaysian leg of "Homecoming". Liang tagged me this video on YouTube performed by the original songwriter, John Mark McMillan. This live version is the bomb and it really gave me a great spiritual awakening - the kind I have not felt in a long time. I savoured the moment I was watched it for the first time because tears were welling in my eyes and I could totally relate to the words that John was singing. Words like "afflictions eclipsed by glory" and my favourite is the entire verse 2:

"We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way He loves us"

WOAH! What a song!! I learned it on the guitar almost immediately. Just 4 chords. Simple but effective! What an inspiration. Helped me to look forward to the new day with a renewed spirit. It helped me articulate the words I longed to tell God in my prayers. What great timing! Wow Wee!!

How to plant a Figtree

2010-11-04T23:41:00.005+08:00

A new Figtree has been planted. The seedling is growing. The potential in it is great. I am looking forward to the next gathering of a new singer and two old boys. I feel like a kid again!!
:)

Oh, To Feel Him

2010-11-02T01:10:00.003+08:00

On Sunday, I put in the Neal Morse Testimony DVD and let Jo-En watch "Oh To Feel Him" and it was at the same time a worship session for me as I sang along to the chorus.

And I knew it was him
I knew it was Jesus
Like the wind you cannot see
I felt his spirit touching me
And oh, to feel, to feel him
I knew this was Jesus
There my heart was cleansed of sin
I could have the world but oh, to feel him
To feel him

Oh, to feel him, I can feel Jesus
Like the day of Pentecost
His love poured out to all the lost
And oh, to feel him, oh to feel Jesus
The power of his love inside
Letting all my pain be crucified

Oh, to feel him, oh, to feel Jesus
There my heart was cleansed of sin
I could have the world but oh, to feel him
To feel him

Why so angsy Jenn?

2010-11-02T00:12:00.002+08:00

I am so out of control. So out of the control of the Holy Spirit. My thought life is in ruins. I am not feeding my mind with the right things. If I continue to struggle, I feel I will suffocate and die under the weight of my burdens. What burdens? In the hands of God, they are nothing but feathers, but yet when it's on my back, they are like a sack of bricks! The wrong thoughts begats wrong behaviour and those wrong behaviour gave birth to indifference in the things of God.

In a way, I thank God for this struggle because I know it will do me good if I learn from it and move on to victory. The problem with me is I have no patience. I always want a quick fix to things; I always wanted things to go my way, but life doesn't always go the way we want. By God's grace he has used circumstances and people to speak to me, all unexpected just like Balaam's donkey. It's a very humbling experience I must add.

I will not give up!

Delay No More

2010-11-01T00:33:00.001+08:00

We're suppose to resume production this Tuesday. The latest news is out that we might start on Thursday instead. It totally destroys the rhythm that we have already started in KL. Really don't like long breaks in the middle of a production. I just hope that with a longer break means there will be better planning and thus a less troublesome shoot.

So delay no more!

Life

2010-10-23T05:45:00.001+08:00

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

-Galatians 2: 20

"Those with defeat on their faces are those that we must keep alive"
- Further Seems Forever

Anguish

2010-10-22T05:21:00.001+08:00

"My flesh is tired of seeking God
but on my knees I'll stay
I want to be that pleasing child
Until that final day"

-Keith Green

A prayerless life is a sure way to a wreckless, Christless and worthless life, so on the knees of my soul, while I am awake, stay!

"Those with defeat on their faces are those that we must keep alive"
- Further Seems Forever

Restitution

2010-10-20T07:10:00.001+08:00

"I will give thanks to you, O LORD, for though you were angry with me, your anger turned away, that you might comfort me."
- Isaiah 12: 1

After getting it right with God, I always feel the need to make my peace with those around me. In my younger years apologizing or making restitution was the hardest thing for me to do. It is a humbling experience but a practice very good for the soul and for our relationship with others. Of course, something ought to come out of our actions such as making a conscious effort not to repeat the same actions that caused us to be apologetic in the first place. Then the essence of the restitution will be meaningful and life-changing, not only for ourselves but also for those whom we reached out to.

God, in Christ, turned His anger away and reached out to us. Therefore we should turn from out follies and reach out to those we make amends with.

2010-10-19T23:48:00.001+08:00

I hate to think that I am significant to God when I am not deserving of any good thing from him. This is why the gospel of grace is so precious to me. In my refusal to acknowledge any good in me, God gave me His goodness; in my inability to save myself, God saved me; when I feel down, He picked me up; when I cried, He cheered me up; when I was feeling emo, He gave me a happy song; when I sang out of tune, He told me it's ok; when all I could offer was a burnt offering, He received them with joy; when I feel shitty about myself, He made me feel special.

I remember how it felt in the past when I had such a magnificent faith in Christ over all my circumstances no matter how impossible they were. It is the confidence that may not have changed the result, but it certainly did change my attention from the trouble to Christ Himself - that wholehearted confidence that dispels all fear. With that, I could sleep in peace. Peace! Awhh... That's what I need.

Lord, let the forest around me burn
But let me feel safe within your embrace
Always...

Renewal

2010-10-19T07:12:00.003+08:00

"... Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Psalm 51: 8-9

"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Psalm 51: 16-17

What a great meditation of these Psalm 51 I had this morning! I am not completely sure if my heart is heale at this very moment, but I know it is broken by God; crushed by the weight of sin. The pain ached me to my bones, yet without them I couldn't even stand. I will be like a ghost hovering around carelessly and unceasingly feeding it's lust for more and more of the world and less and less of the word.

Shall I curse the way I was made? The negativity of my temperament and all it's insecurities! How did I overcome them in my youth? I remember...

I trusted the Lord with all my heart
I sang a new song to the Lord everyday
I was ever In His hands
I ran from youthful lust
I had confidence like at of an soaring eagle
I was simple
I was dead so that Christ can be fully alive in me
I ran for cover under the shadow of His wings
I was in constant fellowship with God's people
God's people have always been here for me
My cup overflowed
I dined at a table before me in the presence of my enemies
Surely goodness and mercy followed me all those days of my life as I dwelt in the house of the Lord

I'm am 34 now. in 3 months time, 35. the weight of the world is heavy. Life isn't like what it used to be. Josh and Jo-En have added a new dimension to my life. I am weighted down by my work. I miss SW. I miss life, but I know it can never be the same life, but it can be a life much easily sustained if I relearn how to enjoy Christ and to delight in Him in whatever I do. Life's circumstances may have changed, but Thank God that He is never changing and I still long for that sweet communion everyday with my God and savior.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah"

-Psalm 61:1-4

Before this next long haul starts, I want to start in a right spirit. If I dun do it, I will be ruined! so help me God!

LORD, THIS IS ME, WITH ALL OF MY HEART, CRYING OUT TO YOU!

amen

One down, another one to go!

2010-10-14T23:36:00.003+08:00

Just wrapped "Endless Day" and now the next one is about to begin. I hardly had a good rest. I dunno how! The crew are such a great bunch of people, I don't think resting soundly with them around will be an easy thing. Hahahaha...

So sleepy but I still have my bags to pack...

Very Tired

2010-10-08T23:58:00.002+08:00

I am very tired and exhausted. The production that I am involved in is not tedious. It's probably one of the easiest for me, but somehow I feel tired and as the production comes to it's final 4 days, I feel a little edgy. The thought of the next production happening one week later should be a cause to rejoice, but I am not happy.
I like to think I know what is affecting me, but I wouldn't admit it. Somethings are best left unsaid. Not yet at least. I pray every moment I think about it and I find peace in knowing that God loves me and He is in charge of the whole situation even though I feel like a wreck.

So tired

2010-10-04T11:12:00.002+08:00

The production for "Endless Day" is getting onto me after the 3-straight nights of overnight shoot. I am so glad that yesterday was a rest day, before another night shoot today. I suspect that we will have another one after today, but we just gotta have more turnover time or at least enough rest without feeling exploited.

I took some time to record some ideas and it turned out to be quite cool. I am happy with it. It's my first "demo" in almost 4 years! It has gotta be the fatigue that caused me to feel so emotional. May be it's the curse of September, Hahahaha!!! Whatever the cause, I will go easy.

Deferment hasn't been approved yet. It's been more than 14 working days. I am beginning to get anxious, but I know I mustn't.

Anxiety

2010-09-10T04:31:00.002+08:00

I am so anxious about not being able to get the deferment to participate in the production of the feature. After all the anticipation and excitement, the delays in confirming the shoot may cost me the job. Now I can only pray that I'll find favor before God and the officers who is in charge of NSmen's deferment matters.

There are pocket of moments where I am reminded not to be anxious whether I get to do it or not. I know that God will take care of me and my family, but the dangling carrot of the high profile production makes me lust after it with a vengeance. As I weep at the possibility of not being part of it, I lament at my dependence upon it rather than on the providence of God.

Lord, please forgive me for my lack of faith In life's matters.
You have been good; always been and have never cease to be good to me and my family.
Sorry that I let the cares of this world blind me from your faithfulness towards us.
I declare my dependence upon you and ask for Your favor to be upon me like a shield as I apply for deferment even at this "late"
moment.
Search my heart and catch me when I fall upon hearing the news I don't want to hear
Then speak to me and I''ll listen to what you have to say and will obey.
In pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, my God and savior.
Amen

TNP got their Headlines WRONG!!

2010-08-16T23:06:00.002+08:00

I was looking at the headlines of the afternoon edition of The New Paper. The biggest headline was "Oh No!", referring to the Liverpool/ Arsenal match. Then at the top corner was a smaller headline "I didn't want to let Singaporeans down" (something along these lines). I think the YOG should be the biggest thing that every newspaper here should take seriously. Surely the YOG story is worth much more that one EPL match, at least for the moment. I guess, they are just "selling-out" to their usual EPL readers. Sigh...

Busy again but will still drum!

2010-08-16T04:47:00.002+08:00

This will be the most exciting week of the year. Not because I am busy with 6 days of work, but because I'll be playing at G2 one last time this weekend. Pastor Meng Charm has graciously allowed me to play one last time as a kind of closure for me. I am excited!! I realised how much I missed thinking about how to play the songs each week. I just hope that I won't be over-excited and start overplaying. So I look forward to this Sunday. When I first started serving in CAM, Cynthia was the worship leader. So it's so appropriate that I call it time playing for her. How apt! This is what I believe will move me:

See the congregation worshipping
Shouting from the drums to give cues
Seeing familiar faces
My fellow band members
God

So see you guys on Sunday and let's have a little huddle at the end of the service.

: )X

MY HELL

2010-07-21T07:29:00.002+08:00

MY HELL LYRICS - DISCIPLE:

It's not found in throwing roses on a grave
Or in the cursed bottom of a bottled plague
It wasn't in the torment that will never fade
But I see the truth now

This was my hell living without You here
Even Heaven is hell if somehow You were not there
If You were not there

I have been travelling for most a month and a half now with two breaks back at home in between. One was for two nights and the other was 4 nights. This is the last two night break is the last one before the conclusion of the final two legs in Chengdu and Lijiang, China. Although it seems short, but what a great awakening I had!

Spending time with the Kids- playing with them, watching TV with them, watching them watch TV (Veggietales and Baby Can Read) was a joy although handlinmg a 4 year old and a 19mth old can be quite a chore. Realizing how much each one have grown - WOAH! A great awakening! A cause for rejoicing in the midst of fears and anxiety. That rejoicing comes only because we trust in the Lord.

Yesterday I had a great chat with SW. Once again, I forced myself to simply listen and not be too quick to shoot off. It paid devidence. First, in my own quietness, I was convicted of great treason by my conscience through SW's sharing of her encounters with others at work and through the children. I was greatly convinced that I have put God outside of my dealings in life. I may blame it on tiredness or peer pressure, but the one conclusion for all these is ill-discipline - a failure to act and react in the way I should. Why? Because of my prayerlessness which resulted in my dull senses to the promptings of the Holy Spirit; Prayerlessness which resulted in my lack of mental, physical and spiritual strength - I was a walking dead man. The biopsis is clear, the autopsy is conclusive. The body is alive but the source of it's strength is no where to be found. That is until I was awakened as I listened. SW was sharing about how her colleagues and students treated others unfairly, etc. She shared about the ungodly things that others do, I saw myself in them. I was like those people that she talked about. I suddenly realised my life has been a living hell because I have left God out of my life - A GREAT AWAKENING!

It wasn't in the flames that won't stop burning
Or within a fire that is never quenched
It wasn't in the brokenness of all my failings
But I see the truth now

This was my hell living without You here
Even Heaven is hell if somehow You were not there
If You were not there

I met Caleb briefly last night to pass him the snare drum. While talking to him I am reminded about the days I was in R-age where I discipline myself walk in righteousness. There were ups and downs, but it was a glorious walk. I may may be walking in a different way now (career and ministry wise), but it can still be a glorious walk to the end. There are 20 minuted before I depart to the airport. There are many opportunity to turn my life around again. To realign my bearings to where it should go.

Lord, I need to breathe You
Drink You, dream You
Nothing ever will compare
Need to breathe You, drink You
Dream You, need You...

*I was suppose to publish this on 21 June, but forgot to do so. When I arrived in Chengdu, it was too late. Kenna blocked by the Great Firewall of China. Whahaha...

It's ok

2010-07-04T10:14:00.004+08:00

It's ok when I have nothing to say. I just want to give a shout out to those who still read while I am in Taiwan. I know who you and I pray that the Lord will bless you guys an awesome Sunday so that this coming week will be a blast!

Happy Birthday, Joshie... Daddy loves you and misses you very much! *HUGS*!!!

:)X

Reflection on the word "Pierce"

2010-06-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

I didn't know what the Grace Youth Camp was about, but from all the facebook entries the theme was "Pierce". Since Joey was Chairman I figured it was a John Piper inspired theme. A lot of people said it was a blast. Wow, how many times do you say that about a youth camp on Grace? The last one I gave was the one on 2005 whoes theme was discipleship. I am looking forward to hear from Joey about his reflections about the youth camp. Yixian wrote a prayer on her FB "...hoping that whatever that PIERCE 2010 has brought out in each and every single individual will have a lasting impact to shape R-age in a radical manner for Jesus! ". What a prayer! I was inspired to add my own reflection on the word "pierce", "
(I have) heard a lot of word about "going to the next level... going to the next level", but found out that he didn't go to any level until he got pierced by the Word."

Yes, I do miss being part of R-age. Like CX and Ronald told me when they saw me after I made the "official announcement" that I'll always be an R-ager. I feel that way, at least while those I know are still serving in it. Nonetheless, even when no one in that ministry knows who I am, it will always have a special place in my heart. This is my prayer for those who were at the G2 youth camp:

I pray and hope this kind of revival is happening amongst the youths: When the lights of their youth burns out; when the leprosy of worldliness consumes their flesh; when the struggles of everyday life robs their passion for Christ; when all these and more happens in their lives, may their scar remind them of the day the Word of Life that pierced their heart. The entry wound where the Holy Spirit breathed life that eliminates truth in their hearts. The outcome of which is delight in Christ forever. When words of prophecy from man fails to materialise; when guilt and condemnation hangs like a noose around their neck; when the chains of sin binds their hands and feet; when the struggle with sin has no end in sight, trust in the revealed word that affirms and confirms what we believe in Christ Jesus is true to the glory of the Father.

God bless you, young people!

Soli Deo Gloria

Moving On II

2010-03-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

'Moving on is hard to do, but moving forward I must do still.'

Moving on

2010-03-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've moved on...

2010-02-18T22:27:00.001+08:00

I was at G2 to collect some of my cymbals while the band was rehearsing and "Lord, You Reign" caught my attention immediately! James played it very very well! I totally love the 5/8 and then going into 6/8 at the chorus. Sounded totally emo/indie rock and prog rock!! I later learned that it's written by Leon and Johann.

L U R V I T!!!

The purpose of all that

2010-02-05T17:49:00.002+08:00

To keep me humble
To keep me close to God
To keep me (*I forgot!)
To keep me powerful

Based on a sermon entitled "God's purpose for suffering" by John MacArthur jr. I gotta to listen to it again. I bet I got the title wrong too! LOL!

Hardtimes

2010-02-02T17:53:00.002+08:00

"Hard times, come again no more. I know you'll be back to haunt me. To render me helpless in my time of need. To strip me of hope. To create a void that echoes the fear, the endless torment in the atmosphere... Hard times, are you done? Good, coz I am not going to waste my time exalting how cruel you are because God is... good all the time no matter how bad you are"

This is a tough year to be a location sound recordist in Singapore. The beginning of last year was a year of uncertainty in the Film/ TV industry in Singapore. This year is no different and if the news I received is correct, there won't be any Ch5 drama production this year. Moreover last weekend at Batam, I happened to watched three Ch U programmes and realised that one of the companies that cease hiring me is hiring another location soundman for almost all their productions. It's no wonder last year was a "wierd" year, because that company used to be my staple for the longest time and last year, I hardly had any job with them (except one memmorable one which I won't mention ALOUD). Last year's saving grace were mostly a tele-movie, Sayang Sayang and The Pupil and some other short-termed shoots.

This year started with a bang with Junfeng's "Sandcastle". I was initially booked for a science programme, but now the production house called to apologised because the only cameraman that agreed to work for them insisted on using his own soundman. So exciting, right?

Last year I didn't expect anything but ended up feeling blessed. It's only February now, I have my fears, but I know I shouldn't be paralysed by that at all. I might as well make much of my time at home to be with SW and the boys and let the Lord be my agent. Hahaha... I like that! What I can be sure of about the year is this: it's going to be a year of total trusting in the Everlasting arms of God and His Christ, my savior - Jesus. What have been given to me all these years - the sweat, tears, joy and relieves- I know in my heart He is not done with me yet. So I shouldn't give up. I will press on.

The number of the year is...

2010-01-25T01:36:00.000+08:00

Facebook | Home

2010-01-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

Facebook Home: "Let them lights die out. I just want to linger here a little while more, please just a while more. Let me disappear with the sunrise." - Mallory

Facebook | Jenn Hui

2010-01-03T01:23:00.000+08:00

Facebook Jenn Hui: "The words I want to write slipped out of my mind like the ink that slipped out of the pen I'm holding on to words that cannot make ammend for every wrong that I tried to reconcile with the very thought that I could never leave without a clue to whether I will win or risk losing you to this my train of random thoughts"

I can't stand myself

2009-12-14T20:55:00.002+08:00

Last week was a lesson in humility. What a great lesson it was. It all started with a phone call by a producer who insisted that I use an assistant that he had hired. At first I had to qualms with that suggestion. In fact I welcome it because I believe in giving people a chance to "try it out". So the producer suggested that I touch base with the assistant which I duly did. Actually he called me first. I was friendly, he sounded confident and we exchanged pleasantries and things like that. He told me that he is actually a audio post guy and he mixed one of the programmes I where I was the location sound mixer. He said, "I hope u're not offended, but one of the scene is noisy..." and gave me a lecture on the difference between sound for TV and sound for the big screen. I was quick to give my reasons why I allowed the scene to carry on despite the bad ambience on the location. After we hung up, I thought that was a bad introduction for someone who wants to be my assistant for the shoot. After a while I felt angry because someone questioned my professionalism. If you were with me that day, you can feel it in my silence. When Jenno gets angry, the whole world wonders "what pissed him off".

Did I respond to the criticisim the right way? I did some self-reflection and thought that I was too slow to listen and too quick to anger. Guess where this negative attitude comes from? It comes from my prayerlessness; my reliance on my feeble strength and abilities; my desire for success more than I desire God; my lust for money. I have made my job my idol. I failed to manage my anger because I have not been managing my personal walk with Christ. My mouth still talk about Him, my ears listen to Christian music most of the time, but my heart had strayed away. I was broken. Would I have reacted the way I did 10 years ago? No, people remembered me as cool, calm and collected. I was when I was right with Christ. But lately, that "right" had taken a left, mixed with humanism, I am a whreck!!!

I've been screaming silently in prayer "God save me from myself!" Oh, the story of Jesus and the "rich young ruler" flutters it's wings over my head. Will I be willing to let go? Will I be willing to obey? Will I be sincere when I say "To God be the Glory"? I can't stand myself! I want to be right with Christ again soon before I get swept away by the flood of pride.

Reflections from Maldives

2009-11-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

The shoot at Maldives has been smooth. Our 1st two days were spent at Velassaru Resort. This place is surreal. It's a place that we read about or seen on TV. It's the glory of the Creator I see. I am greatly humbled by it's splendor because the same hand that spreads out the corals and gave every grain of sand a name is the same hand that was pierced for our iniquities. The hands that drove the nails into his hands, is the same hands that was spread across the Maldivian sky and cried out "Father forgive!"

In such a perfect edenic setting, it's easy to feel forgiven, but such comfort leads one to forget the prayers and vows that were made when we leave this eden and leave out there in the wilderness in the compay of wolves. Yet it's there thay lays the challenge. Am I up for it?

I'll praise the Lord for my victories, I'll also praise Him in defeat. Even when the burden seems unbearable, there is no reason to doubt the Almighty.

Revival

2009-11-12T22:02:00.004+08:00

Soon something somehow will have to give:

the ground that I am standing on;

the sky that I look upon;

the sea that waves at me;

the air that we breathe in;

the stars that shines at night.

Oh Lord, my God, hold me and make my body, mind and spirit one

Keep my sanity if I have to plead the opposite

May Your peace reign supreme within.

I don't want to do what's natural

I want to do what is holy and acceptable

If I must rent my heart out of it's socket

Or gourge my eyes so that I won't regress

I'll gladly make this bloody mess and swim in this scarlet pool

The evantuality is inevitable.

Sooner or later something will have to give,

And I pray that it won't be me.

By Your grace that in the days of old sustained me;

By your mercy I've been pardoned

And by the stripes that made me free

After all my wandering years Your grace is still sufficient for me

Before I find no pleasure in persuing You like I did in my days of youth

Before the days of trouble come

Before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark,

And the clouds return after the rain;

Oh Lord, my God, hold me and make my body, mind and spirit one

I have wanted to scream out to God the whole week. Writing this prayer is as good as that scream. I feel so much better being able to put into words how I feel. So much better!!

Uninspired

2009-11-11T11:49:00.001+08:00

I'm challenged to review all that I knew
Believe it when I tell you I'm totally uninspired
I'm constantly reminded I gotta do what I feel
But what if what I feel is the very thing I need to lose

-Uninspired by The Other Side of Glory-

Miss Love

2009-11-08T09:02:00.001+08:00

I was at our church prayer meetings and was so happy to see so many familiar and faces I expected to see. At the same time I felt a deep sense of grief knowing how many more could've been there. I'm not talking about attendance at prayer meetings or Sunday service. I'm thinking about those that have left the fold; packed their bags and left, leaving nothing except a faint memory of their presence. When we remember them, they can become so real. I start to grief and wonder about what went wrong. As I dwell deeper into this thought, I asked myself,"What have gone wrong with us?".

Are we contented to lay low and "let the dead bury themselves"? Do we see them again to welcome them like they have never left? Or do we welcome them back with a great celebration? I do not understand the concept of "washing our hands clean" over them. I mean, there is a time where such actions are called for, but most often there isn't a cardinal sin amongst us to warrant such treatment.

I love those that remained, but I love those who have left even more. I still "see" them on Facebook, but I know they are living different lives now. Was that how we planned it to be? What went wrong? What triggered the long process that resulted in their absence?

Do you miss them? If you do, pick up the phone and tell them you miss and love them.

You know who you are... I love you and I miss you!

THe process

2009-11-06T00:32:00.004+08:00

I am reading Charles Spurgeon's sermon "The use of the law" from the book "World's Greatest Sermons" and I realised I missed reading these stuff. It brings to my mind fond memories of preparing for mission trips, cell lessons, youth camps, retreats etc. It also reminded me about how alert I was to the markers and guidelines that have guarded my heart during those years. Now that I've not been in ministry (in church), I have somehow lost some of that alertness. Now my family and my workplace are my ministries, I should continue to keep the things I have learned since my youth and most hungry period. That proccess continues to this day...

2009-11-02T17:15:00.002+08:00

Receive 2 delightful sms the last weekend. Joey, who is not a full-time youth working in church smsed on Saturday to informed me that he will be preaching on Sunday's youth service. Shawn sms in the middle of the service to tell me that Joey mentioned me in his sermon. I replied "I hope he said good things about me..." He said thes sermon was about being "salt and light" of the world and that the sermon was good. That's very nice to hear. No, not about me, but about Joey preaching. It's a pity I didn't get to hear his first sermon, but I am sure it won't be his last. I'll hear him one day and perhaps challenged to give a certain aspect of my life for the sake of Christ.

Production of the pupil has been in full-steam for the past 23 days (and without a rest day mind you). We wrapped and packed at 6am this morning and was given the day off. We've been shooting for 50 days in total and like "Sayang Sayang" and "Calefare", this has been a very satisfying shoot. Not only do I work with an awesome crew, the cast were great too! And there was a great sense of camaraderie among all of us. I guess like all long productions, such friendships are sure to be formed and I treasure the moments (yes, lots of memorable ones).

More photos will be up soon!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Random thought on prayer

2009-11-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

Be prayerful always
God never forgets
He knows all ur needs
Even before u get on ur knees
So why do we pray if He is an omnicient one?
Remember that prayer is an act to set apart those who are truly His
So as an act of worship on your knees stay

Ris Low

2009-10-17T07:31:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: I am not a friend of Ris Low, but the recent saga have arose a sense of pity for her.

I wish we'd stop mocking Ris Low. All her criticisms had been severe especially her command of English. Wat I find really embarrassing is that she speaks better Mandarin than most of us! In mocking the way she speaks English is mocking majority of Singaporeans.

I support the English and Mandarin speaking campaigns. But before we embark on any of these campaigns may we be reminded to be gracious to others who're different from them.

Does Ris Low really have Bi-polar disorder (BPD) should not matter, but what if it's true? Does anyone know how people with BPD behaves? I have a friend who has BPD. So I understand how it affects a person. It doesn't just affect the emotions, it affects the soul. When the soul is severely afflictel, it dies - when the soul dies, so does the person. Do we need to push the limits on others and later regret our actions?

Lets leave Ris Low alone now. The attention she brought to herself is enough, we do not need to fuel the fire.

Some photos from work

2009-09-19T23:44:00.003+08:00

I am now on a Ch5 drama shoot. Here are some behind-the-scene peek into our lives on set. Without giving to much about the plot away, just remember to tune-in to your TV in January 2010. I am just posting some photos of the production crew. I'll post some actual production stills after I get permission from my producers. Meanwhile, enjoy.

This is going to be my logo!!

Bro Love showing the Love Crew how to love the Steadyman.

Going steady!

Director TJ and Bro Love

After a hard day's work - FOOD!

Hey World!

2009-09-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

I have not posted many photos of Jo-En since he was born. Just an update for you, Jo-En is almost 9-months old now. He looked like Joshie at 9 months. What an added joy and one of my highest earthly delights!

Is He Satisfied with me?

2009-09-13T09:08:00.003+08:00

I first heard this beautiful song in my first weekend in National Service. My OC and CSM were Christians and they invited us for a service on Sunday evening. Of few songs that we sung, this one sticks out the most and I still remember the words (I didn't know there was a 2nd verse!). I have not heard it sung since except from my own mouth. I don't know if I got the tune right. I sang it to Jo-En last weekend. He just stared at me. I wonder if it's for my appalling singing or he understood the meaning to the song. I prefer to think the latter.

Do you ever search your heart
As you watch the day depart?
Is there something way down deep
You try to hide?
If this should be the endAnd eternity began
When the Book is opened wide,
Would the Lord be satisfied?

Is He satisfied? Is He satisfied?
Is He satisfied with me?
Have I done my best, have I stood the test?
Is He satisfied with me?
When my Lord will come again
When He walks and talks with men
What if every friend He had were just like me?
Would He feel a welcome here
Or would He go away in tears?
Am I all that I should be?
Is He satisfied with me?

Feeble is the lamp of fame
By which man inscribes his name
On the walls of time for other men to see
Though he boasts of wealth and power
None can help him in that hour
When the angels hear his plea
Is He satisfied with me?

HOSANNA!

2009-08-04T07:07:00.004+08:00

I heard the most beautiful worship song during the prayer time for "No One Else". When I reached home I swore it's a Hillsong United song. I took no notice of it until yesterday afternoon when I drove to Sim Lim to settle some technical stuff for work. I took along the "I (Heart) Revolution" CD along when I discovered Hosanna was in it and I had a moment during my drive where I am totally surrounded by God's presense that I almost couldn't drive normally. So I drove slowly and cautiously and prayed. That moment came when the song hit the bridge which is a prayer of my heart. I thought it reflected a prayer in my heart and so I rewind to the bridge again and again and everytime the conviction of "yea and amen" became louder and louder in my heart. Besides the bridge of the song, the extra words I prayed on the wheels were "Not now Lord, Not now (I'm driving)!"

Hosanna (Bridge only) by Brooke Fraser

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart with what breaks Yours
Everthing I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Dear God,

as I finally settle down to family life where ministry now starts within the family

(yes, it has taken me so long to settle down),

everything seems to come together just fine -

only when everything is settled down with Christ in my heart, soul and mind.

May be I have not attained the perfection of husband,

but my heart to be healed and made clean daily;

but I have an awareness of

praying,

praising

and worshipping God

with and for my

family,

work

and dealings with others a

"Kingdom's cause";

that in all I do my eyes will be opened "to the things unseen";

that I will love God, my family and others just "like (God) has loved me";

that I will have Godly thoughts in Jesus through the Holy Spirit

so that what "breaks God's heart" will break mine.

Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause

as I walk from earth into eternity.

So NOW, Lord, drive me!!

Amen

Sg in the hands of an angry God

2009-07-25T05:53:00.000+08:00

There are so many anti-Christian sentiments in S'pore today. Since "Awaregate" the sentiments have grown louder. Even some so-called believers are anti-traditional biblical doctrine and even attack other Christians for what they believe in. I careless wat non-Christians think about our faith, because what they think about us doesn't matter except what God thinks of them. However I am deeply concerned about "liberal" Christianity; those who love all the "good" feelings and thoughts in Christianity but pick and choose/ pick and thrash the holy scriptures. Specifically those who "love others and their sins" rather than "love others and HATE their sins".

Recently I've been reading "Sinners in the hands of an angry God" by Jonathan Edwards again. I could feel what Edwards preached about (google it). As our nation spiral deeper in a moral decay, you might want to try changing the title to "S'pore in the hands of angry God".

From Straits Times 2 days ago

2009-07-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

"One government agency whose slip-ups are particularly costly is regulator Media Development Authority (MDA).

Its lapses, which filled nine pages of a 40-page report released by the A-G on Tuesday, included failing to collect an estimated $9.89 million in revenue. The sum was from 46 films in which it invested and which were screened, some as long ago as 4-1/2 years. In addition, the MDA did not review whether these projects met such objectives as creating jobs for Singaporeans."

I hope things will be better for us, the Singaporean/PR TV/ Film production crew. A lot has been done for film-makers, but I hope something could be done for local crew.

Let's wait & see...

Slap in the wrist for Sg Crew

2009-07-18T06:53:00.000+08:00

I wonder how long this I-pro mumbo jumbo will last. I dun have the luxury of working for many production houses that doesn't follow those recommendations. So while most of the company I work with do implement them, I just got to be contented and thank God I could still feed my family.

One of those worshipful moments

2009-07-17T14:35:00.003+08:00

I was returning home after sending Joshie to school when the song "In Christ Alone (Getty and Townend)/ On Christ the solid rock I stand" medley was spinning. And when the song hit the climax on verse 3, it went in to the simple but powerful refrian "On Christ the solid rock I stand" chorus before ending with a super climatic verse 4 of "In Christ Alone":

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

As this part was being sung, I just drove past the Science Centre at around 60km/h and tears were welling up in my eyes as the words reflected the prayer of my heart and the declaration; the affirmation and they resolution of my faith.

In CHRIST ALONE...

Mongolian Delights

2009-07-16T15:02:00.004+08:00

What delighted me most about the trip apart from the work we did for the Workcamp was the previlege of meeting some Taiwanese volunteers. Out of the 19 of them, the Singapore crew forged a very close bond with about 7 of them: Momo, Claire, Vivian, Tanna, Zoe,Crystal and Miracle, who're our constant nightly companion over vodka, beer or tea from until bedtime around midnight. Thanks for the memories in Mongolia!

The crew was great! Xiaohui took care of us as the script took care of itself as the daily event unfolds. Zzen was very professional, he wasn't merely acting, but really put his heart to make a difference in the Workcamp.

Reflections of Mongolia

2009-07-14T22:56:00.004+08:00

For seven days of the year, seven nights were spent in Mongolia; of which six were spent out in the grassland at a "Workcamp" (WC)where kids from a nation-funded orphanage spend their summer vacation. The work of the volunteers at the WC are helping with the infrastructure, farming of vegetables, organizing activities for the kids and spending time with them. You could even invest money to help them after the leave the home (usually by age 18).

I was part of a production team that was making a reality show about voluntarism. Zzen was our featured artiste and we joined a group of 19 Taiwanese living, working and playing together. The location of the WC was about an hour's drive from Ulaambataar. They have basic facilities such as two guest houses with a kitchen and a guestroom; a water pipe that supplies our daily need of water whose source are the water about 40m underground; a house for the kids with two dormitories, a kitchen, teacher's bedroom and a gameroom; who could forget the toilet which is just a shed with a 4m deep hole. The toilet itself spawned any horror storiers or rather stories of horrified volunteers when they encountered the toilet for the first time. I am proud to say that everyone passed with flying colours although some took longer than others to adapt. The objective of any voluntary work is always to benefit the lives of the people we're serving, in this case the kids.

As a soundman I hear a lot of people talking and laughing. There were no unhappiness in these kids despite their perdicament. I guess the Home and volunteers have together forge a strong sense of confidences in these kids. Everyone was there for the kids, even some prima donnas who kept complaining to their taiwanese leaders about his planning which I have to give a BIG SHOUT OUT to, "MIRACLE, U're Da BOMB!" He was such a meek person. A great leader who has the potential to be greater leader.

Two activities stood out for me while filming. One was the 4km hike to the source of the Buhoog River. We trekked through beautiful scenery and encounters with a herd of goats and a herd of horses on grassland. I also experienced stepping onto a marsh land which was quite an unusual experience. The ground literally feels like a water bed!

Another event was taking part in traditional Mongolian wrestling on "Nadaam" festival which is their national day. Sound wasn't needed for the visuals so I had permission to take part in the competition. Although I was thrown to the ground after a long duel which my opponent and I fell together as I countered his throw with my own throw. After that I played goalie in a game of football before the final interview of the whole shoot. Apart from voluntarism, the programme is about the kids at the WC.

The tencaity of the kids we interviewed inspired me in their work and play. Bira, a former residence at the home. Through the generousity of his sponsors, he is able to finance his lodging while studying Agriculture in the university (tuition fees for orphans are 100% subsidised by the government). Every summer he would return to the WC to help out. His ambition is to carry on the farming work at the WC- to return to the place that helped mould him into the person he is today and to inspire the younger generation of children.

Another boy that I became pretty close with was Toga. He took any photos with my camera and even held on to our working cam whenever we're not rolling. I think he can be a good cameraman if his interest in visuals is cultivated in him. Who could forget his slick dance moves and those tattoo tears. Hahaha...

Butne has a voice of a powerful diva. I wished I've recored her singing while we're at the "water source". At thw WC, she would break out into a song and dance which I later found out that apart from their native language, they really love Korean hip hop. This is evident in their preferred vcd in their vcd player which is a collection of K-hip-hop music videos.

Bethna, the 14 year old "BOOM" girl, as she is known because she always snuck up behind certan volunteers, of which I was one of them, and go "BOOM" as she pocks our waist with her fingers. Some volunteers didn't like it at all and told her so and she stopped harassing them. One afternoon, activities were put on hold due to rain and what started as a simple "poison ping-pong" game turned into an all out due with the ping pong ball and later on with the fly swat. It was hilarious!

The 4 feet tall 14 years old, aptly nicknamed "Big Boy" who is always full of energy. He is always running or jumping from places to places. He even always seems to bounce even when he does his chores. Like Bethna, "Big Boy" is always a joy to have around.

Last but not least, Ganna. I recorded Ganna, the face of the WC in my opinion, singing a Mongolian children's song with a guitar. He has that typical J-pop boyband looks and a voile to match. He even sang a Chage & Askq song at the farewell party! I also recorded a minus-guitar track which I would like to do my own instrumentations to. Watch this space, I'll keep you guys posted if I've made progress.

Wristband making is one of the kids' specialities. They can make them in various patterns and they could be quite a collectors' item if one would like to collect them. These wristband are given by the kids as a token of frieendship, thanks and affection. Toga made me my only wristband. Some received more than one. Others had to force some kids to make them one. My single wristband is good enough for me as it doesn't just represent the giver, but al the children I've met at the WC. I've decided to let it be a permanent fixture on FiFi when I go out to work as a reminder of the kids and the wonderful Taiwanese companion in Mongolia.

All good things must come to an end. It was a teary goodbye for some, but for me it's "See You Soon". I hope I'll come back sometime soon. God Bless them all!

It's R-age Awareness weekend again!!

2009-06-28T00:12:00.002+08:00

And I was so impressed by this year's presentation. It's definitely the best since we did that R-age Rap back in 2003. This year, they presented Samantha's song from the "No One Else" album. It's partly a promo for the gig, but what a show! The band was tight!! Janice played some killer piano solo that slayed me. Ricky played... well, it's RICKY! What else can we expect from this man? And for once I love the sound at Level 3. Since it was an R-age awareness weekend, the youth band led worship (David Goh lead) and I had my best jumping and screaming worship session since a long long time ago. The only other person in the worship all that went nuts was Phuisee. She was the first one to go nuts coz I don't know the first song that David led, but I love the lyrics in that song. Gotta ask the guys what song was that. When the did "Everyday", that was it! It was no-holds-bar-just-between-Jesus-and-me moment. It was just a great! The message was by Ps Matthew about "Having a passion for His Presense". I miss being there surrounded my God's glory when my whole heart, mind and soul are engaging with the angels in worship. Then I had the chance to play the closing of the service. I just went for it, rushed the song coz I thought we started way too slow. wahahha...

Xiaowei brought Joshie to Children's church. It seems the Saturday's group is good. I am glad the whole family was there today (though I was alone in service). Grace Assembly is home. If there is anything we can improve, we must pray for it. I thank God that we went to Church today (we're suppose to go tomorrow, but decided to go while shopping at Isetan).

Flower of heaven

2009-06-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

O my soul, hast thou gathered the rose of Sharon?
Dost thou wear the lily of the valley in thy bosom constantly?
If so, when thou comest up to the gates of heaven
Thou wilt know its value, for thou hast only to show this choicest of flowers, and the Porter will open:
Not for a moment will he deny thee admission,
For to that rose the Porter openeth ever.

Thou shalt find thy way with the rose of Sharon in thy hand
Up to the throne of God himself,
For heaven itself possesses nothing that excels its radiant beauty,
And of all the flowers that bloom in paradise there is none that can rival the lily of the valley.

O my soul, get Calvary's blood-red rose
Into thy hand by faith,
By love wear it,
By communion preserve it,
By daily watchfulness make it thine all in all,
And thou shalt be blessed beyond all bliss,
Happy beyond a dream.
Jesus, be mine for ever,
My God,
My heaven,
My all.

-C.H. Spurgeon

Honestly

2009-06-14T22:50:00.005+08:00

I hope I do not need to make a decision of which Church we'll end up.

I don't want to even think about it! The most important church is the one that the Holy Spirit dwells in now - within me. What am I doing to it. I just want to be used for God's Glory.

Change

2009-06-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

I have never seriously considered changing church until the Christian growth of Chia Ee became a major concern to SW and I. Chia Ee is still not one whom we can just leave at Children's Church and expect him to do the teacher's bidding. Indeed it is still not time for Chia Ee to be left alone in Children's Church yet, but after visiting COOS' Urban Kids (Coz SW's sister is serving there and niece is in their youth service), SW thinks that it's a good place to for him. The ultimate spiritual lesson Josh and Jo-En will learn is from SW and I, yet a suitable church is also a vital support group. However I have highlighted my concern about COOS' emphasis in the "Supernatural" ministries. The traditional non-charismatic are more charismatic than the traditional pentecostal like us in Grace Church. I have attended 2 service in June and each time alarm bells were ringing - my soul was left high and dry. Perhaps today's service simply reinforce my belief that God still work miracles, but miracles do not satisfy my soul more than the expositor's expositing the Word of God to me. For this reason, the next best option seems to be Adam Road Pres. Church because SW's 3rd sister is there and I know Chris Chia is a very annointed preacher. Arhhh, but it's a presbytarian church! Well, I heard them sing "This Kingdom" - an old hillsong worship song, but it's so different from what I am used to. Nonetheless, that is of little concern for me. Music can take the backseat for now. I am looking for a companion next to me at the passenger seat to keep me awake.

So the search keep going on. Grace church is my home church forever. I may attend another church, but I know it will never be home to me. What is most important is my soul is fed. My action reminds me of "Christian" in "The Pilgrim's Progress". He just had to leave his family and home to the "Celestial City". The tugging in his heart is too strong. So it is for me. I feel the tugging in my spirit. If I can't find a church to grow, I have to rely on the writers that I am reading. I'm reading John Piper again. Great stuff! It's great to realign my sight to God's glory and delight in His glory as my hightest joy. WOAHH!H!! Love it!

Everything is going to be alright in Christ

2009-06-13T00:46:00.003+08:00

I was in crisis before I went for Grace Retreat 2009. No, I think I am still in the midst of a crisis even after the retreat. I know I can get out of the crisis but it's not going to be with a "get out of jail free" card. I don't know if I want to share it in the "open" on the internet. I shall be vague here. Depending on what industry you work in being a Christian is either looked upon with utmost respect or outright disdain. I sense that the blessings that we're enjoying is being numbered. The time of lawlessness is increasing. There is no time to waste, but yet lots of it are being wasted. If preaching Christ and his Word means being looked down upon by others, will you eat and sleep well? How friendly can we be to those who oppose the Gospel? Should we re-package the gospel to make it "seeker-sensitive" or should we be more sensitive to the gospel?

Well, that're some of the things that I'm struggling with spiritually. On a happier note, I was really happy to see Kit Yee at retreat. She have such a big faith - the size of a mustard seed. She will move mountains!

Josh joined us for this retreat. Retreat will never be the same again for me. It was a great time. It was an unforgetable time. Only regret now is not taking Jo-En with us. Josh Josh, I was glad u were with Mummy and Daddy at the retreat!

Sayang Sayang

2009-05-27T09:10:00.000+08:00

Sayang Sayang II just wrapped on Sunday. It has been a good 34 days with 3 days at Club Med Bali.

I'm now at the airport going to Okinawa to shoot on an Aircraft Carrier!

Some thoughts birth by AWAREgate

2009-05-04T10:31:00.000+08:00

We're seeing a lot of drama within the Christian community lately. It's not yet time to "stand up and be counted for", but time to let the Lord "build His house". I strongly believe that those who "build their house upon the rock" will be the ones who will touch the community in their humility and fervency serving the Lord with little or no fanfare at all. This is opposed to some preachers who make sweeping "prophetic" statements that turns out the opposite. I am referring to a preacher who declared at a nation wide event that Sg will be a "Christian nation" a few years ago (last decade, I believe). Lately, with all the bad press concerning some churches and church leaders, their blessings has turned out to be a curse- a laughing stock. Just like the title of one of the songs in "Jesus Christ Superstar", we ought to ask ourselves "Would Jesus wear a rolex?"

If Christians want to cause some upheaval, let it be because we're preaching the gospel. In our wisdom, let our words be few. For there is a time to be quiet and let our lives be Christ's witness. There will be days when we need to preach like Stephan did, and get "stoned" by society.

Am I becoming too pragmatic? I have a feeling I might be.

Different light

2009-05-04T03:45:00.001+08:00

I use to hear about the "spheres of influence" that Christians can have an effect in. There are definitely better ways of affecting our society than "storming the AWARE-gate". The only time when Jesus storm any gates in the bible was at the Temple gate- He cleaned up his own house. And the weapon of choice he used to affect other is with his heart- he preached the gospel. I wonder if this saga will cause others to look at Christians in a different light.

Change

2009-04-06T02:58:00.002+08:00

I really need a changed life. There are many things that I want to do, but I have no time to accomplish them, but the things that I ought to be doing, I am doing nothing or too little about it; and the things that I ought not to do, I am doing them - more or less.

The number one thing I have to deal with at the moment is my temper. Oh my goodness, those at home sees my fuse blow out so easily, which is kept in check towards people outside the inner circle. This may surprise many, but it's really bad. I guess being family, you see the good and bad sides cos we're comfortable at home, and so we let down our guard; heighten our expectations; and think that God is not watching. This is a very humbling experience and I need to learn from my mistakes. This inner circle- the family - needs protection and my poor anger-management only weakens the ties the binds. So I better learn to control myself; praying in the spirit always; meditate in the Word again; and start being the "man of the hour" again.

Filming of the 2nd season of "Sayang Sayang" began last Friday. It's only my 2nd long-form project since "Sweet Tapioca Porridge" in the first 2 weeks of the year. Between that project and SS, I only had 8 days of random shoots. I didn't complain about that "lull" period because of the priceless time I spent at home with the boys, esp Jo-En. As for the boys, it's another experience altogether. Since the filming of SS starts mostly in the afternoon, I'll still have time to spend at home and to make amends for the time I wasted getting angry at home.

Glory to God?

2009-03-30T23:42:00.002+08:00

I have not read the news about it, but I did read the headline. Such news are not good news, but ther is a new point of view these days, that is if God blesses, tell it. These days there are a lot of Christians making bold statements in public about their faith like some developers next to Newton Circus and the one opposite Great World City. Their signs, whose statements were almost identical, went something like "All units sold. Glory to God/ Thanks be to God". I am so tired of hearing Christians saying riches are sign of God's blessings. And I am also sick of hearing the "blessing" people say that God doesn't want his people to be poor, etc. Whatever! I think that such proclaimation are insensitive and proclaim no ones glory except the companies and rich individuals. Whatever happened to humility?

God bless the rich
God also blesses the poor
The rich has money
The poor has gold
Burn their poccessions in the fire
What's left is what they'll take with them back home

What am I typing??? Just venting lah!

Good Jam

2009-03-26T19:03:00.002+08:00

Today I had a good jam with Caleb and Samuel. At least now I have a chance to hear the songs in a band context. There are definitely things to be improved upon. I'll need more time to work on them. It's a pity I don't have much time due to the kids and work. Moreover Caleb and Samuel will be in NS soon. I guess, I'll have to force myself to be creative in due time.

Played at G2

2009-03-22T23:41:00.003+08:00

This morning's services were the first ones I played and attended in 2009. Yes, I've either been absent or been at G1. Manrong led worship and the band consist of Gladys, Samuel, David, Jeremy Toh and (Paul's girlfriend, sigh... always can't remember her name). It felt so good!!! Ahrhrhh... Partly because MR chose the "easier" songs, nonetheless, they needed me to keep the groove to keep the band together. I thought I did a decent job with it. So I am happy.

O man, the y0ung keyboardist, Gladys. These youngsters are getting better and better. CAMY is blessed to have a few good keyboardist now. Then I there are David Goh and Samuel Tan. Ok, David is old, but then he wasn't even playing much in church when I was in R-age. But now they are "rock stars" calibre. Hahahaha... I just hope that they won't just be contented with playing church music. Playing outside the church will definitely help them creatively. Actually with the kind of music they play in church, they should be able to form bands like CFS, Recluse, Fhly. I wonder if anyone will take that initiative to start something.

I am trying to organise a jam this week. I'll be calling up some people to join me. Probably Gladys and Sam for now. That'll be fun. See how lah.

"Burden" by The Ascendicate

2009-03-21T17:53:00.003+08:00

I love the chorus of this song. When I first read it, I made it my personal prayer, but when I heard the song, WOW! I prayed again the way it was sung. Check them out HERE. "Burden" is in the site too! Awesome!

Don't let this burden flee from me

till the lesson is complete

Because the pain is teaching me

Who I need to be

Bouncing Random Ideas on a SBS bus filled with people

2009-03-20T23:33:00.002+08:00

I've searched the universe for an answer
To find peace and solace in a desolate land
Though life is filled with milk and honey/ money
But the onus was on me
With the bonuses far removed, my life is a living hell
And nothing is left except a longing for you .

Our lives is full of witnesses to our weaknesses
They wait like circling vultures to devulge our inside just to show that we're no different from them
So I vowed to live blamelessly and to walk without a jolt
But O how they came down on me when I fell

How do u live in denial calling every curse a blessing?
How do u claim God's promises when u're being eaten alive?
In the heat of the moment can u tell which cloud it is u're on?.

I want to be an original, an original, an original

2009-03-13T22:31:00.002+08:00

There is a documentary out about the life of Larry Norman. There is a very good review about the documentary HERE. What struck me and most people who do not know Larry Norman personally was that he was full of controversey thoughout his life. The biggest lesson I learn from the review is this, that God can use everyone, even the flawed for His glory. I guess you just have to go online to read about what Larr Norman did in the past. Nonetheless, his music lives on and it continues to speak to me and many others in the world. God bless his soul.

Here is another lesson from the review:

"I also thought of the dangers of compartmentalized faith. Evangelical Christians like to proclaim that "God must always come first in my priorities, then my spouse." Bull twinkies. This kind of thinking has done so much harm to marriages and families. Rather than a western hierarchy of priorities, I try to hold to a more eastern way of thinking: Jesus must be at the center of my relationships. God is not more important to me than my marriage; God is in my marriage. Separate them, and one can do all sorts of damage "in the name of God." It made me ask myself (almost like a party game) which I would choose: an influential ministry and a family that felt neglected or abandoned, or no influence, but a family that knew they were loved. (Also try substituting the word "friends" for "family.") Which would you choose?"

Mystery PtII: Together

2009-03-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

Together we'll ride the storm and wait for sunny weather
The distance to our dream is not a problem
And the things that come between us will be shaken
As you shape us
To what we ought to be
So together we will walk this narrow road you carved

Mystery of Babylon

2009-03-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

(This is an attempt to write an epic concept musical project. This is suppose to be Part I and previous post Part III. I'll post Part II later then present it as a whole. Ladies and Gentleman, this is The Other Side of Glory V.2009. Sheesh... how many more, Jenn?)

We live in a time so uncertain
We'd do our best to weather the storm
Paper chasing in a corporate ladder crawl
To understand how we are living
In the "Straits Times" u can read it all
For an alternative view "The Online Citizen" share it's thoughts

The world is in a recession
My neighbor has just lost his job
His wife had lost all their life savings
Because of some bad corporate call

Mystery

2009-03-04T19:44:00.018+08:00

I was caught in the midst of a mystery
Can't find my way out of here
Faced with the end of my destiny
A race against what I adhere

Caught in the wrong side of a tragedy
Saddened by all that I see
Weaved in and out of this tapestry
Nothing is quite what it seems

Today is like any others
Tearing apart at the seams
With no end to all of my troubles
Trying to stay alive everyday

Untied the knots of this travesty
Tried to make sense out of it
Faced with the truth of humanity
Accepting all that I am

Living has been such an agony
A rest is all that I need
Release my soul from this misery
Hope is all that I seek

My eyes is filled with a vision
A silhouette cast on my eyes
I finally found my redemtion
Behind every shadow there is light

Forever seems further than ever
Far as my eyes could see
Today begins a new entry
Believing a new destiny

(to be continued...)

PnP Rehearsal

2009-02-28T10:26:00.004+08:00

It was a disaster. Eugene was on bass (Jeremy was absent because of a miscommunication), Leon on keys and Ps Meng Charm on guitar. With thouse cats playing, I was forced to be on my toes. Man, I wasn't. Instead, I was everywhere except my toes. I felt I was out of balance, the mix on the monitor wasn't what I was used to at G2. The metronome was not set properly because there was no sub-mixer for me this time. Now I gotta go to G2 and get back that Rolls mixer that I used to mix the click to the monitor mix. I didn't felt good, so if I didn't feel good, the music must have been crap. So if I ain't in the groove, the band, no matter how good they are will be out of groove.

After the rehearsal I had a quick crash course on reading music charts with Ps Meng Charm. I also listen to what he meant by "funky" (For "All heavens declare) as he tap the top of the grand piano as we go through the chart. It was a great 7 minute lesson. Now I sort of realised what he meant when the chart stated the groove is "funky". It doesn't mean I have to play a Zorro or David Garibaldi kind of funk. That was what I was trying to do when I saw the word "funk". It basically means to play with a 16" feel. And the groove he tapped on the piano top was simple and groovy. It was so cool!

This morning I decided to try a different intro for "Made to worship" and I thought Steve Gadd's "50 Ways" groove fit the song really nice. And I can execute that better than the original intro with that dreaded open roll at beat 4 of the intro. I imagined that it would fit well. I asked Pastor if we could have another rehearsal, at least for Jeremy and I would love to be there to loosen up a bit.

Well, may be I set the bar too high for me and I just felt like shit after the rehearsal. But it's good shit because I am very driven to do will even though it's PnP. The point about playing for church is not just to be excellent technically, but also to worship and enjoy mixing worship with technical excellence. Sounds like a tall order, but I know it'll definitely make me the musician I want to be.

Failure in the family

2009-02-28T00:44:00.004+08:00

You may think of giving food to the ones who are hungry
Or give ten percent of your money to an orphanage
You may clothe the naked with unwanted clothes
Or give shelter to the homeless in the street

But if you fail to take care of your own
Your charity will be refused
Because no amount of success can compensate for the failure in the family

You may respond to a crisis with all that you've got
Or donate your own blood to the very last drop
You may have prayed for the lame to walk again
Or bring salvation to the ends of the earth

But if you fail to take care of your own
Your charity will be refused
Because no amount of success can compensate for the failure in the family

How're things going?

2009-02-22T01:14:00.004+08:00

The year is going by very slowly for me so far in terms of work. However I am not complaining. I've been spending a lot of time at home with the boys. Both of them are at different stages of their lives with different degree of difficulty in handling them. As a result of the lack of work, I've been doing the "night shift" of feeding Jo-En. There are many things to look forward to in 2009.

1) Looking for our own house

2) Waiting and see what projects are in store for me

3) To fulfill my dream of playing in a band a outside church (playing drums or not doesn't mater)

4) Observe in awe and wonder as I watch the boys grow.

5) Run the half-marathon at th end of the year.

6) Practice my drumming as much as possible

7) Sleep well

8) Go on holiday with SW

9) Go Grace Retreat

10) Read my bible more

Here are some photos of the boys.

Brothers by birth, friends by choice

My Pudding Boy Boy

Rage

2009-01-31T23:46:00.008+08:00

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference

Amen

2009-01-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

I posted a question on the Grace Assembly facebook page. So far no one has replied. I did not ask that question because I am unsure of what I believe in. Neother am I trying to say "Pastor Lim is wrong". Oh nononono... However I just wanted to hear from my very own church about this topic of free-will vs Pre-destination. From a very young age, in Sunday School, we were taught that Calvinism (or Reformed Theology) is in error. I had believed that all my life until I started reading books by authors (and without knowing) with a Calvinistic slant because of all the controversies that have surrounded some popular charismatic leaders in the past two decade.

I know where Pastor Lim is coming from when he made that statement. I used to believe in what he exactly shared about. However in my recent own bible study and influences by writers such as John Piper, John MacArthur and Charles Spurgeon led me to believe that salvation is absolutely and totally the work of God by grace through faith. By faith, it does not mean to will myself to believe but faith is a gift from God thru the work of the Holy Spirit to cause a regeneration in a siinner's life. This result in God being given all the credit and it is in no way a result due us "choosing to believe" because without the power of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, we simply cannot respond to the gospel at all.

Therefore I believe that we have to make a outward respond though our declaration of faith, but that outward response is a result of the initial work of the grace in our hearts by God. I was tired "willing" myself to keep up to the standard and not trusting or even knowing what Grace is really all about. That really made me weary. But this theology has been the most liberation to my spirit, I finally feel set free- more free than I previously thought I was.

I have come to a conclusion that when we get to heaven, the advocates of these two school of thought will congregate side by side worshipping and serving the Lamb upon the throne together forever. I've been in Grace Assembly for 25 years. I love it here, pls do not stone me for what I have written.

Free will

2008-12-29T02:38:00.000+08:00

"...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." - Phil 2:13

For some time I have made my theological stand that man is saved by grace alone. That also mean we can't will ourselves to be saved because our fallen nature is constantly in conflict with God's will. We're fickle-minded and we change over time, but the grace of God changes our hearts so that we can respond to his grace forever. One cannot imagine a salvation that is temporal. What then does that tell us about the one who offers salvation? That he saves us now and forsakes us later due to our nature which tend to reject him? May that not be so, for even I will never bow the knee to such a diety. However the doctrine of grace demands that God continue to will us unto salvation despite our eventual "willful" rejection of grace because the power of the Holy Spirit at work in believers is way too strong even for a "cousciencious objector" of grace.

That said, it shouldn't be confused that since God saves us forever, so we can sin since we'll be saved eventuallg. That is a gross misunderstanding of the goodness of God because the Spirit at work in us always compels us to do good. Inspite of that God allows some believers to, at their seemingly free will, to fall away so that his grace will be manifested and abound even more.

On a darker note, there are those who think they are saved but are not. So there seems to be a kind of uncertainty about who gets saved and who doesn't. That shouldn't be so if we understand the work of God in salavation. He always finish the work He began to His glory.

Therefore God's sovereign grace saves even the hardest hearts, leaving no room for any of us to boast. If we should boast, let us boast in the amazing grace of God. The resulting decision is not a result of our free will, but God's work to offer us salvation and enabling us to bypass our stubborn will to respond to His grace.

Free will? Yeah, our will has been set free bythe Spirit which wills our souls to be saved tothe glory of God. Hallelujjah!

At Rhema Conerence 2008

2008-12-25T10:45:00.002+08:00

I was at Rhema Conference on the opening and closing nights. I only stayed for the worship though because I brought Chia Ee with me. The sound on the opening night was very loud. I know that they have warned everyone that worship will be at "full volume", but I thought that were too high on the dB scale. Even Chia Ee had to struggle in my arms to indicate that he wanted to get out of the hall. Thankfully things got more bearable during slow songs. And there I was sitting and worshipping and with Chia Ee sitting on me or next to me. He clapped when the congregation clapped and danced when they danced. It was a marvellous sight.

I finally felt free - freedom from the feeling of responsibility from my involvement with R-age. It's not that I've been carrying some guilt on my back, but I always thought my service to the ministry isn't complete. I guess it never will as long as I still have a heart for the young people of Singapore. But yes, I felt free. Free because the family and fatherhood is the best form of worship to a married man. "No amount of success can compensate for the failure in the family", my dad once to told me. I couldn't agree more. Now I have two kid. They will become youths one day and they will be my ministry, my responsibility until I die. To love them is to serve them. Loving them is a reflection of God's relationship towards me. Grace and providence comes alive on earth and it has never been clearer.

Back to Rhema. I was delighted to see the guys who ran the show. The kids that are leaders now - that is a great encouragement. The ministry will always be in good hands when we trust the Lord in everything we do. There were notable missing people there which i shall not mentioned. You know who you are and you know your time in R-age isn't up yet. Come back soon!

Inspired

2008-12-25T10:26:00.003+08:00

I finally got my cop of Foo Fighters Live at Wembley Stadium. Man, I am so totally inspired by Dave Ghrol. He really made drummers feel dem good about themselves. I reall want to rock like him. When he played drums during the encore set with Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones, and Stephen Hawkins on vocals (!!!), I was totall floored! I remembered the first time I watch Nirvana on Laser Disc and his live performance on "Aneurysm" I knew I wanted to be that kind of rock drummer.

Well on hindsight, I thought I did just that with Gloria, but at that time I think I was still new to this showmanship thingie. Watch Daren of Vertical Rush, now that is a showman. I love his style of play. Brandon Khoo too, but Daren is my man because of the kind of music he played with Sky in Euphoria. Sadly I think I have to take the drummer out of me for a while while I attempt to re-start the TOSOG project with Eve, Josh and Caleb again since the bith of Jo-En.

Jo-En, just like his kor kor - my inspiration too!

Taking another break

2008-12-02T12:04:00.001+08:00

I informed Pastor Meng Charm last week that I'll be taking a sabbaitical from ministry for at least the next three months. I cited family commitments as the main reason. But creatively, I also wanted to be free to do something I like in these three months as I jam and rehearse for a possible recording in February.

Let's see how things goes. I just returned from Chiana Mai last night and I don't know where to begin. I know all the guys are just a phone call away, but I am procastinating. If I don't do it now, then when?